paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
