I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
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I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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