opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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