literally had 100 drinks last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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