if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need help removing her.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
