Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
