He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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