looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
