i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize