I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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