You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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