I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
