the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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