Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
