My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This is my gift to your gina
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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