Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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