Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
