i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When are your genitals available?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
