Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
