I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
