you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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