it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
