A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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