she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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