I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think my moral compass just broke
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
