just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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