Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
