walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
be right there i have to get my cape
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
