I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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