Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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