I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
