Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
