All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
