Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
