the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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