If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
