I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
