its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
