After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
