oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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