I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
