umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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