My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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