I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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