I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
