My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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