I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
