Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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