wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
