totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
