Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My ass is underappreciated
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The adults are the big ones right?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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