I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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