My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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