i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
