im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
