last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
