Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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