Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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