Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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