im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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