I wish I only lived at night.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
