If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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