So drunk, too bad you don't want this
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
