i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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